It is important to die before you are dead, wise men say.
Today I was knocking on heaven's door.
"Hi, I wanna marry Bruce Springsteen!" I admit I was a little informal, but it felt that urgent.
Petrus mouth falls open. He looks at me top to feet.
"Bruce Springsteen? He is not here right now. And what is more, he is already married!"
"Well, never mind, I thought maybe he could afford two wives...!"
Petrus frowns and tells me, unwillingly:
"Don't you know he is a CATHOLIC, not a MUSLIM! No two wives, then...! He is already enough preoccupied with the one he has..."
"Oh, Patti Scialfa, I know. She took my birthday present last year in September when I was queuing in front of the Walter Kerr Theatre. She is really great! I would come along well with her, I guess..." I smiled a little too happily.
"Are you bisexual...?" Petrus asked suspicious.
"Well, I would say, I am pan-sexual, I love all God's creations. By the way, what about us, Petrus?"
Petrus flushes, wants to though the door into my face.
"You bloody Bastard...!"
Me: "Sorry, Petrus, did not want to embarrass you. But HE is here at last. Could I have a word with him?"
"He is alway here, hears and knows everything. So what you want to tell him HE does not know already!" Petrus becomes a little nicer now.
"Anyway...", he adds by the way of explanation as I look a little desperate now.
"When he is in the middle of a song, in HIS HOLY PRESENCE..."
"...the Boss knows everything, I know!" I interrupt Petrus excitedly.
"His music and lyrics are beyond time and space! You know this 'Sister from German town' he is talking about in the song 'This Hard Land', that's ME! I was in Munich in the 90s, I attended a concert of him. And when he spit out, in a break between two songs, I thought, this guy is like me! Lost my last job two years ago, due to spitting out. Anyway, I cried as loud as I could: I LOVE YOU! And he reponded: REALLY? Therefore, I have been pondering this question now for more than twenty years... and now I am here to tell him...!"
"Sorry, Father, but this is really annoying!" Petrus looks me in the eye:
"Do you know what it is to be FAMOUS? By the way, famous like HIM? In 'THE BUSINESS' for more than 40 years, and in 2016 he sold the most concert-tickets, playing sometimes for four hours! Bestseller, he is, first he, than Madonna..."
"Oh, MADONNA! Does she come here often?" I get really excited now.
Petrus, reconciled a little:
"Sure, she DOES! She is a virgin, still, you know...!" But then a dark fown covers Petrus beautiful face again:
"...as to say... the Boss, I see him a lot, too, but he's always surrounded by his mates and friends and family and... he is not the one you can slip a love letter and pick up for a drink..."
"... sure enough... but I am so sick of his confessions every time after ... he has all the right to feel guilty as a married man...", louder now:
"He is in the Inner Circle, you know...."
"Fine, just thought about naming my new CD 'Rising Circles', just to lift him up a bit...!" I added shyly.
Petrus, laughing: "He will need YOU to be lifted up... anyway, you are wasting my time. Forget about him, say your prayers everyday, go along singing your songs and everything will work out fine!"
I am really down now.
"So he will never know..."
Petrus leans forward and smiles: "He already knows...!"
That explains a lot to me. Happily I step down a few steps.
"And do not try to upload your songs on Spotify, again. That's Bullshit!"
I was so happy that I forgot to ask wheather he meant the platform or my songs to be Bullshit.
Anyway here I am again, fully alive!
Ghila Pan is known for her fantastic literature, for example the exhilarating fantasy satire "Göttinnendämmerung" (english: "Goddesses Dawn"). The austrian authoress has also published "Kreuzfeuer" (english: "Crossfire"), a 300-page road movie.
Informally explanation of my recently announced wedding-plans (2019)
I made a mistake, I do regret it now. I am so sorry. I never would want to do anything wrong. But I did. I hope you forgive me.
Concerning my wedding plans with Bruce Springsteen I must admit: it was a mistake to tell you it was in September. It was in October, when I queued in front of the Walter Kerr Theatre.
I am relieved now to have made this confession to you (Petrus moans... but if he knew I had a Catholic education in primary school...).
What about Munich? This is totally true. It was in the 90s, it was my first and last ever attended Bruce Springsteen concert (enough live to linger on for twenty years) and I did shout: I LOVE YOU! He, truly, asked: REALLY? An important little word this is, really!
I mean, do you know the difference between love with or without REALLY?
No? So, please, let me explain, very informally:
For example, when you say to someone: "I love you", and he doesn't want to know if you really love him, it's an easy game. The next day you kick him in the ass.
When he says: "Yesterday you told me you'd love me, why kick me in the ass today?" (Anyway, you could say, that's why, but that's too easy...)
You just say:
"Yesterday... I said so."
But when someone asks you, if you would really love him – the circumstances of such an important question are rather insignificant, in my opinion – I mean, I don't know why Bruce Springsteen used this little word back in the 90s in the 'Olympia Halle' in Munich, he could have responded to my highly sufi-sticated, sorry, sophisticated information:
"Thank you for telling me so, I do appriciate your passionate compassion on this very late afternoon, when I sit here on a summer's eve having given away some of my head-liquid and the audience boos", or he could have said: "God bless you, Mary, queen of Arkansas, wrap your legs around my engines", or, at least, he could have asked: "Sure?"
My life would be very different now. And even if he would have said: "Sure?" – it would have made all the difference in the world! I might have been sure to love him during the concert, but at Christmas time in 1996 I would have flown away on Harry Potter's broomstick, even if Harry Potter at this time would not have been published at all, do you get me? Otherwise, in the case of an interrogation concerning real love, Harry's broomstick would just be a fainting lollipop, if you know what I mean. No? Anyway...
... "really" is so much harder to kick! (Everybody does it somehow someday, kicking, I mean, but...) it feels more timeless, doesn't it? Not the kicking, the real love I am talking about.
You can't hardly say: "Three hundred years ago I really loved you, but today I miss your wig much more than your kiss" or "I will really love you on resurrection day, but just now my pyjamas are much more likely to cover me blissfully than your perfect body". That sounds unconvincing, doesn't it? So far, this love will crack in the bathroom, not real, no, no.
I hope by now you do understand the deeper meaning of a certain word used and the serious impact it may cause. If I would not have given you this detailed explanation, you never would have understood my wedding ambitions sufficiently.
Anyway, I do feel at the moment a little bit like Dobby, the houself, after Harry Potter had slipped a sock into Tom Riddle's diary and Lucius Malfoy, unaware of the sock, had passed it on to him.
"I am free, Master has given me a sock!" Well, well, you may object, Lucius Malfoy and Bruce Springsteen are not one of a kind, and Higher Love is infrequently made of out of wool, but, anyway... some say, I am cracked, you know. Just because...
... but, well, okay, I am just a fool – in love. Everybody feels fine now?
I hope, I was able to answer some of your many questions effectual and that you can live with this
hopefully not heart-breaking,
explanation concerning my never-ending love life.
Also highly recommended from Ghila Pan: "SOULDANCE – Sufilyrics by Ghila Pan and old Persian Poets (Hafiz and Rumi)", English Edition, 126 pages.
🎻 Please also take a look at the ♫ Youtube Channel ♬ of Ghila Pan and her heart breaking Birthday Present for Mr. Springsteen's 69th birthday ▶
© We would like to thank Ghila Pan for her short story "I wanna marry Bruce Springsteen" as well as "Informally explanation of my recently announced wedding-plans", 11/2019. The illustration shows a bridal couple, CC0 (Public Domain Licence).